The End

Well, not the end, but I wanted to sound dramatic! I've finished my pings today and brought my mask home. One of tomorrow's projects will be working out how to photograph it.

This may sound weird but I am actually sorry that I won't see the various people at the hospital who looked after me. They were all very friendly and we had a good laugh. Considering that I was actually going there for radiotherapy treatment for brain cancer, that's not bad, is it?

I thanked them for their kind attention and brought them an extra cake!

Next stop is another MRI scan and a meeting with the radiotherapy consultant.

Waffle Iron

Tomorrow I have my last zap/ping and, no doubt, I shall be posting after that. But I thought I'd just fit one in beforehand anyway. I must admit that I feel very sad that I probably won't be seeing all the people there again as they've all been so friendly. They really have been nice people. Which is why I brought cakes in! Tomorrow will be interesting because one of the staff asked if it were possible to do a nice cake without using eggs. My Mum took up the challenge but wasn't overly impressed with the results. We'll see what the hospital staff think.

Anyway, after tomorrow's zap I have to have another MRI scan at some point and then they can decide what to do next.

The reason for the title of this post, BTW, is because my forehead looks a little like I fell asleep on a waffle iron. I have this strange, tanned bit of my head - strange because there are holes in the tan which are due to the mask. It's all minor, but funny!

Almost done!

I'm only talking about the current set of pinging I'm getting. There's only about 4 more daily zaps and that's it. Well, it's not. I've then got to have an MRI scan to see what effect all this zapping has had on my tumour, which hopefully will be positive. That's positive for me, not for the tumour...

As I've mentioned, one of the side effects of the radiotherapy is tiredness. But what wasn't discussed is how that can be a real irritation. (I choose my words carefully because I feel I've been really lucky with the way things have gone).

Anyway, the tiredness kicks in at about 4pm and while I'm still at home, I sleep for an hour or two. Not sure what I'll do when I return to work! But the other effect is that I now start waking up at 3am, 4am etc, and I don't know whether it's better just to get up at these times, because it's very difficult getting back to sleep. Plus I'm trying to normalise my sleep pattern and this isn't making it easy.

But, Hell, if that's the worst I have to deal with, I'm getting it easy!

No news is good news

It may be apparent that my postings here have become less frequent. That's for no other reason than there's nothing to report, really. I have been extremely fortunate that I don't seem to have suffered major side-effects, and even the other ones are minor. Obviously.

As I wrote in a previous post, I have lost a little bit of hair but only around one temple. When Nick looked at it yesterday he was well pleased. "What a lovely straight line." He said. He then told me that that indicated the accuracy of the zapping. He had also told me previously that it is possible to develop a bald patch diametrically opposite the main target. When we looked today, it appeared that nothing had happened on that score. He then told me that it was quite rare for that to happen, but that he always told people about this possibility because there were times when it did happen and the patient and/or their friends then got all pannicky, thinking that the patient was being zapped in the wrong place! Which, in certain ways, is understandable.

Hair today...

I've just begun to lose a little hair. Not much and, it was assisted by my other half 'gently' tweaking it out. It did come out quite easily though so it wasn't like it was being wrenched. So I now have one temple which is slightly less hursuit than the other. But it's barely noticeable. And the hair was grey before so it's hardly a loss! If that's the only side-effect I suffer I will be very happy.

So this is what it looks like now.

How neat is that? Even the biopsy scar is very tidy!

And, generally, I am happy. I know I'm tempting fate badly, but I feel like I've gone past the nadir of what's happening, and I'm halfway through treatment and I've been seizure-free for over 4 months now. Only another 8 months to go before I can get my driving licence back! So, all is good.

Yaay.

Secret Photo!

Okay, it's not actually a secret photo because it's not really of me. But at the hospital I have to go to, photography is strictly forbidden, which I think I've mentioned previously. So - this photo is one I've lifted off Google, but it's a fair representation of my treatment and it almost looks like me! Anyway, that is like the mask that I had fitted and that I have to wear when I'm being zapped. As you can see, it's very open-meshed and so there's no problem breathing and you don't feel overheated. It's fairly rigid, which perhaps isn't apparent in the photo. It's still a little off-putting when they clamp it down, but you get used to it. If you think you might get a little worried about having this done to you, ask your doctor for some Propanolol. It works wonders!

Zap 3

I wasn't late today so I think they didn't tighten the mask down so much. Yes, I know that's just my imagination, but it's certainly ensured that I turn up on time every day from now on.

I'm getting sort-of used to the zapping now. I talked to the team before the session started this morning, to ask them if they could occasionally say something just so that I know they haven't run away or something. There are a couple of times during the session when everything goes quiet and you wonder what's going on. You can't exactly move much and although they say they can hear you clearly, it's not convincing. Your mind starts to wander and think about films like "28 days later" and you wonder how easy it would be to release yourself from the table...

It turns out that the very quiet bit is because they've been doing CT scans as well as zapping me. The CT scans are to ensure that everything is positioned correctly and that I'm being zapped in the right places and so after they've done these scans they have to analyse the results to make sure everything is okay.

I had a brief meeting with Nick after the zapping and he's happy about how everything is going. So that's nice.

Zap 2

Second day of zapping. Zap has now entered into my subconscious in very silly ways. I've just ordered a Frank Zappa album (Joe's Garage) which I haven't listened to in years. Now I'm trying to find out why ZapF Dingbats (a particular typeface) is called ZapF.

The zapping today was quite straightforward, although the mask felt a little tighter than it did yesterday. They assured me it wasn't. I'm also aware that when they made the mask I was probably a little apprehensive and so my mouth was held tightly shut. This means that now, when the mask is fitted, I'm really only able to breathe through my nose. Which is fine, because that's the best way to stay relaxed. But if I get a blocked nose, I'm stuffed (if you'll excuse the pun) and so I may have to skip treatment that day...

Had an appointment with Andy after the zapping and that is always a pleasure. I really want to invite him out for a beer because we always have a lot to chat about (or maybe it's just me) and I just think how much fun it would be to take him to a pub where there's other people I know and just introduce him as "Andy, my brain surgeon." How cool would that be? It's a pity that the reverse would just sound sad: "This is Alan, my project manager..."

Anyway, all seems to be fine. I just hope that I remain seizureless and that this zapping assists on that score.

Zap!

So I finally got zapped today. All in all it was pretty much an anti-climax. I just waited until I was called into the radiotherapy room and then lay down on the really comfy perspex bed (wipe clean, I guess) after checking some forms and stuff like that. Then they "fitted" my mask (the one I had made about a week ago). They did say that the mask might feel a little tighter than last time, but what they didn't mention was that one of the reasons would be because they were actually attaching it to the bed. I know it's supposed to stop my head moving around too much, but this lot were making certain. Actually, that's not fair; they were very gently really, it was just a little offputting when I was worried whether the bridge of my nose was strong enough to withstand the pressure... As I've said before, the mask is very lightweight and so there's no problem breathing. But as you're lying there, getting zapped, fate always ensures that you get an itchy nose too.

The whole process is very uninteresting. You lie there with your eyes closed and this mask sort-of clamped to your face while various people who were in white coats exhange snippets of conversation that sound like they really should be in a Bond movie. Occasionally they say things to you like "okay - four minutes and 37 seconds and we'll be back with you" and all you can do is give your thumbs up signal.

Anyway, occasionally I hear loud noises of machinery moving somewhere around me (but it doesn't make Star-Trek style zappy noises, although I assume that's what it's doing).

After all this is over, a very nice nurse tells me how I've got to look after myself and sells me some ridiculously expensive face oil (£19 for 1 fluid ounce...) and I feel I have no option but to buy it. She's sort-of like an executive Avon lady. Amway has nothing on this! Anyway, I apparently have to be very gentle to myself and use baby shampoo when I wash my hair and a gentle toothbrush and stuff like that. We'll see.

Next zap tomorrow - and the next one after that is the day after that. And... well, you get the picture. I just get weekends off.

Prequel

This post is probably not very important except that some people, if they're reading this because they're going through the same sort of stuff, may find it helpful. Maybe not. Who knows?

Anyway, tomorrow I go for my very first radiotherapy treatment - or my first zap, as I shall refer to them as from now on. I've had a lot of support from lots of different people; home, family, work, friends, and they've all wished me luck and asked how I feel about being zapped.

To be quite honest, I have no feelings at all, really. As I've suggested in a previous post, the mask fitting was not something I was looking forward to and that turned out to be totally uneventful (I'm not complaining!) Unless someone is lying to me, tomorrow sounds like it's going to be similarly uninteresting. That I will just lie there, hearing a machine zip around and feeling the "bed" I'm on (the reason I put "bed" in inverted commas is that they may as well call it a table for all the comfort it provides) moving in and out of the CT scanner - which it may or may not do. And then 10 or fifteen minutes later they'll say "thanks" and off I'll go.

We'll see...

Labels and posts and stuff

I've been in contact with some other people who have been through tumour experiences themselves and it's all been very illuminating. One person has suggested that I put some labels in my posts but apart from the obvious, I'm not sure what to put. So I'll stick to the bleedin' obvious. A friend described how her hair fell out in clumps when she was getting her radiotherapy so I've decided instead to get a very short haircut. A number 2 as it's known in the trade. It'll hide all the grey, anyway...